An Impostor Among Us: Living With Impostor Syndrome
A meditation on the struggles of secretly feeling like a fraud
45-Day Writing Challenge on Medium | Day 4
Humor is my favorite coping mechanism and equating myself to a video game character is liberating enough. It tingles in the back of my mind — why am I being congratulated right now, did I work hard enough for this? Am I even good enough? Am I ever good enough?
Chances are if you’re reading this article you already know what is impostor syndrome.
An unnerving feeling of inadequacy that persists, regardless of your level of expertise, experience or practical evidence. No amount of proven credibility and reliability could get my thoughts away from that nagging voice that tells you: you’re not good enough.
Combine that with depression and anxiety and you have a nuclear reaction of toxic traits that poison your daily existence.
Unfortunately impostor syndrome is not just an invisible barrier we place ahead of ourselves (although that is already damaging enough). These overarching self-doubts manifest in various ways that inevitably damage our livelihood.
These internalized fears can hold you back from pursuing advancement and can cause issues such as:
- Reluctance to ask for a raise or promotion at work, even if you have proven yourself in your position;
- High stress levels and social anxiety because you are constantly anticipating that you’ll be exposed as a fraud;
- Feeling undeserving hinders your ability to receive affection, gifts and support, and as a result hurts your personal relationships;
- Fear traps us in a way that stifles growth. This can spread across all areas of your life including education, career and relationships;
- Most of all impostor syndrome damages your relationship with the real you. It builds an unrealistic picture of who you are in your mind, making you feel less than what you truly are.
I know this because I’ve lived through all of these myself. Sadly I don’t have the miracle cure to impostor syndrome. But I am fighting my inner demons with a number of strategies that work for me:
Just do it!
Procrastination due to doubts and fears is incredibly difficult to overcome. Honestly, the best way to get over it is to JUST DO STUFF. As simple as it sounds this is the best solution. Overthink less, start those projects, post that story you wrote, get out there and do things. Nothing will ever change if you never take action.
For example I’ve wanted to share my writing for so long, but have been riddled by doubts. I didn’t major in this. English is not my native language. I don’t have a preestablished audience. Nobody cares. Nobody will care.
I’ve had a plan for this blog since December last year, a task in my Notion to-do list that I’ve been dragging from month to month because I didn’t feel ready to launch. But after an (obviously) prolonged period of deliberation I decided to just start posting!
1 or 2 people read my stories? Great! That’s more than I ever bargained for! At the end of the day this is something that brings me nothing but joy and I lose nothing by investing some free time in a hobby that expands my horizons.
Challenge your negative internal monologue.
Changing your internal negative bias is a crucial step towards overcoming impostor syndrome. Learning how to distinguish between realistic observations of your skills versus tearing yourself to shreds with cruel nitpicks is absolutely essential.
Impostor syndrome may sound like: I failed because I am not good at anything and don’t deserve to be in this position.
A realistic measurement of your achievements is more like: I failed to deliver this time, but I have done this many times before and know how to fix my mistake.
Remind yourself of your successes and your worth. Celebrate your accomplishments and refrain from minimizing them. The difference between you and a lucky person who doesn’t experience impostor syndrome is that they have THE AUDACITY to move on from their mistakes without beating themselves down to dust for them. So be extra kind and understanding of your situation because you really need it.
Share with a loved one or therapist
Imagine you were walking around doing your daily activities while verbalizing all of your negative thoughts. How would others around you react? Surely a lot of people would be immediately willing to interrupt to tell you how valuable you are. This is a very Captain Obvious observation, but you cannot receive feedback on your thoughts unless you put them out there. And if you’re incapable of interrupting your negative stream of consciousness the best way to fight it is to confide in someone you trust. That could be a relative, friend, partner or therapist. It is recommended you share with someone who is not involved in the situation where you experience impostor syndrome the most, in order to get an impartial opinion.
Build confidence by investing in yourself
As we already established, impostor syndrome holds us back from advancing in life. Overcoming this challenge means you need to think of yourself as a long-term investment. Self-confidence doesn’t mean constantly boasting about your achievements, but don’t be afraid to put them front and center when you need to shine. A good practice that worked for me is to update my resume (professional and personal) whenever I tick off something new and meaningful from my to-do list. It makes me feel accomplished, even if it’s something seemingly small.
You finished a big project that took months?
Write it down.
You traveled to a new destination and tried a different food for the first time?
Write. That. Down.
Whatever it is, celebrate yourself, what makes you unique and interesting, what makes you stand out. Don’t give up on yourself because of a little voice inside your head lying to you that you’re not worth it. Learn new skills, try new things, expand your horizons. Get out there, among people and nature, and busy streets, and events. Even if you are doing it alone (never be afraid to do things alone, but more on that another time :))
If you are stuck running in never ending cycles with your negative thoughts, here’s your daily reminder that impostor syndrome doesn’t have to last forever.
By practicing self-acceptance and bravely tackling these feelings head-on we can break free from the limitations we place upon ourselves. Authentic self-confidence is established by embracing our own unique journeys with resilience in the face of doubts.
