I Quit!
Honest reflections on quitting my corporate 9 to 5 job
Over the course of nearly a month I’ve been writing (almost) daily on Medium. Publishing an article daily isn’t an easy task, so I didn’t want to limit myself to only one topic — whatever I felt most passionate about that day is what made the cut.
One of the main topics of my blog posts has been work — job searching, toxic managers, contemplating quitting your job etc. I never expected to cover this topic as much as I did, but it turns out with nearly a decade in the workforce and a varied experience at different businesses, I’ve got a lot of insight to share. Hopefully, someone will stumble upon my posts when looking for an answer to their own job related questions and find comfort in my stories and advice.
But today the story isn’t going to be a point-by-point list of tricks how to survive a toxic workplace or job interview tips.
No, today’s story is a lot more personal. Because this Friday was my last day at my corporate job.
I quit.
As I scheduled a goodbye email earlier in the day, before erasing all traces of my activity on the work laptop I’ve been using for over two years, I contemplated on how I’m supposed to feel.
Happy? Relieved? Truly, I feel… empty? Content.
I’m anticipating the gravity of the situation will hit me in full force sometime next week, as I take a short break before jumping headfirst into my next career endeavor. Having been employed at the same company for over 3 years, it feels unreal to leave the office, my desk and room. To hug all of my coworkers goodbye and bestow my gorgeous handmade tea mug to my work bestie and partner in life (that’s a story worth telling sometime in the future 😉).
I’ve been tiptoeing around the idea to write a very long farewell letter to my boss with brutally honest details as to why I left.
Actually, I did write it.
Three times.
With specific quotes, screenshots and receipts on things that went wrong and caused me to seek out another job.
But I gave up on that idea.
It was actually my partner, the ever graceful, sociable and empathetic person that he is, who influenced me to keep my rebellious mouth shut and leave on an entirely positive note. False positivity will not lead to change, but for the sake of networking and not shutting doors completely, I chose peace. 😅✌️
A lot of what I had to say in that last email was written with the intent to serve as feedback for improvement, not scrutiny. The team I left behind consists of people I’ve grown to love and I didn’t want to leave them amidst the chaos of poorly delegated tasks and disorganized management.
But I had to accept that this wasn’t my battle to fight. Nothing changed in the 3 years I spent there. Fun fact: I was ready to quit within my first month at this job, which is something I’ve never done before. That’s how shockingly bad it felt like, even upon my arrival. They convinced me to stay, but when after 3 more years nothing changed, other than a higher salary and a lot more micromanagement, I didn’t feel like there’s much of a reason for me to stay. When I listed out all the pros and cons of staying, it was a mighty uneven battle and keeping the job wasn’t winning anymore.
So the email stayed a draft, a long, carefully crafted draft and very much abandoned in favor of good tone of voice. I’d say it was a good choice. Even after expressing my decision with firm, but absolute kindness, I still faced scrutiny by my boss for my choice. I presented it as a fully “me” issue, that I just wanted to pursue a different career and there was no space for further growth for me at the company. Which is true, but only partially.
How disagreeable is lying by omission when you know the other party won’t take your words into account no matter how you present them?
Yes, I quit because the job became a dead-end street for me and didn’t match the lifestyle I need.
But it also became unbearably toxic (to me!)
How many times did I have to listen to the temper tantrums of the boss or other colleagues, who thought a screaming match and personal remarks are proper work communication?
How much militant monitoring and task micromanagement is acceptable? Between multiple daily task reports, spreadsheets and daily meetings, how much time is left for actually doing work, instead of filling out reports and worrying if I’ll be criticized for not doing enough today?
How many projects did I had to shelve because other team members were uncooperative and didn’t do their part, yet I was pointed out as the slacker? And how was I to combat this issue when the person slowing down the entire process was the boss himself, who wanted to meticulously control everything, while never being fully present or able to give any project enough thought and focus?
How was I supposed to feel safe in my position, when tasks were suddenly taken away from me for no reason, until I was left with nothing, but still was expected to send long daily reports?.. Only to have those same tasks returned back to me when the other party didn’t resolve them at all, having to catch up with weeks worth of missed work.
I can go on and on like this for a looong time. Perhaps one day that faithful email will see the light of day. Not as a letter to my chaotic boss, but as a workplace horror story on the internet. And if he finds it and sees himself in a light less pleasing than the blind praise he’s used to, hopefully he’ll find some humility to self-reflect on what went wrong. Because as the office I worked at lost 50% of its employees in less than a year, everyone became stressed and fatigued, secretly opening job search websites in incognito tabs, my boss still thinks I left because “Nobody wants to work anymore, not even for money.”
This article is part of my 45-Day Writing Challenge on Medium | Day 25
Check out the rest of my stories on Medium! 💌
If you want to chat, you can find me on Instagram. ✧˖°🌷˙ ⋆｡
